Over 50 and living on a boat for the past 4 years – what have I learnt?
You know you live on a boat when:
- You find yourself bleeding from random places at random times. OFTEN. Do not expect to have ten attached toenails at any one given time.
- The doctor assumes your body covered in random bruises is a sign of physical abuse. I speak from personal experience on this one as I have been asked exactly that when I broke my wrist!
- You have broken more bones over the age of 50 than all the other decades put together.
- You and your partner define “taking a break” as moving about ten feet apart and looking in opposite directions.
- You avoid telling people you live on a boat just so you don’t have to explain to them what it is you actually DO all day. Again.
- You only have 2 cooking pots, 4 dining plates and 4 side plates but TONS of bowls that food cannot slop out of.
- When invited to dinner at someone’s house you spend all night turning unnecessary lights off.
- When invited to dinner at someone’s house you ask if you can do your laundry.
- When staying in a house you come down the stairs backwards.
- You are the only one who doesn’t want to win the big screen TV at the charity raffle.
- You think “Game of Thrones” is something you play when the two of you need the toilet at the same time.
- Kids think you’re the coolest person on earth. Adults think you have lost your marbles.
- When you don’t like the neighbours you just pull up the anchor and leave.
- You are content knowing that sailing is code for boat repair in exotic or even unexotic places.
- You can assemble a gourmet dinner using only one random forgotten tin and your imagination.
- When asked for a piece of paper, you ask if they want coarse or fine (as in sandpaper people!)
- You define a good anchorage as one where you can get Wi-Fi.
- You define an easy job as one where you don’t have to pull everything you need out of an impossible to reach the bottom of a locker first.
- You covet new solar panels or a new anchor and chain more than a new car.
- In shoe shops, you go straight to the flip-flops or non-slip deck shoes section.
- You walk in the rain all the way back to your boat, carrying a backpack, a load of laundry, groceries destined to fall out of their bag at any second… all while thinking how lucky you are.
- Filling the water tanks is a full day’s work.
- The only thing you do religiously on Sundays is wonder what day it is – and month.
- You understand and pay attention to the entire weather forecast.
- You watch clouds and makeup cloud names but you know exactly which ones mean bad weather.
- When visiting ashore you look for instructions on how to use a push-button toilet.
- In three minutes flat you can shave, shampoo and wash if you treat yourself to a hot shower, with 5l of water.
- Ice cubes are the ultimate luxury.
- You’ve googled to see if there are any companies that make V-berth bed sheets. (There aren’t.)
- You know that duct tape was invented by God.
- You only bring out real crockery and glasses for fancy occasions.
- Your computer homepage is set to wind forecasts. Always!
- The most important label on anything you buy is the “waterproof” label, no Gucci, Pucci or Lagerfeld (no, that is not where you buy beer.)
- Soap and water are a good enough cleanser and you still feel “You’re worth it”.
- You learn all sort of weird but wonderful uses for aluminium foil and other assorted items like vinegar and bicarbonate of soda.
- You become so much more aware of Mother Nature and are very protective of the ocean and its multitude of wondrous creatures.
- Having sex always rocks your boat, without moving a muscle.
Got anything to add? Drop a remark in the comments!
Loving our boat life.
Captain Mike and Nikki.